What lies within..

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 02:22

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Help me believe; I can be free

Help me believe; I can be free

It's been quite some time since she wrote back.

I never liked waiting. But, on the other hand, I'm making people wait...

Sick.

Yes, I am ill. I feel a fever coming.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm taking advantage of this kindness for too long.

Now there's little time left. What can be done?

A part of me doesn't want to see the reality. But I know, that dark and murky corner of my mind, that the harsh light of reality is enough to burn me alive.

If I survive tomorrow (beat that - today), I don't know how I can. I can only thank God for that.

And, I've been using too much...

It's ridiculous.

In other things.

I really really do miss her.

I wish we can chat right now. Just converse like the old times.

But this communication thing, it's a little harder now.

Now that some things happened, which prevents proper communication.

And, I feel... just darn missing her.

But, why am I doing this?

Maybe...

Okay, whatever. I really do need a break.

If someone gives me a million dollars right now, I'll run away. Go someplace far away. Dissapear for the weekend, and try to get my brain sorted.

Mmmm.

Maybe not. Does it actually help?

That's the thing. I'm not sure.

Cause in the end, I need to fix this. Fix these things, which are somehow on my hands.

And I've been pushing so hard.

It's just wearing down on me.

I've made a pretty bad mistake. But... does that mean I should just crumble and give up?

Hell no.

Hahaha. I think I just self-motivated myself. Sheesh.

Hmmms. Where oh where are you...

Love to H.

Sayonara~

Labels: crypticness, Hun, life

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 01:49

Saturday, January 27, 2007

No, not done yet

No, not done yet

Think again people.

My busy week has not ended yet. Haha. Sad.

Some stuff to prepare for St John, on Sunday.

And the usual truckload of things to do.

In fact, the only day I'm resting are Wednesdays. Mainly for the no-schoolness on that day.

Hm.

I know I screw up WAD pretty bad. But, knowing from the situation last night, if all the pressures is enough to bring me close to tears, then there really is no way around it - I need a break.

I wonder if it's possible.. to push the grades up, and have that 3.0 or more for the GPA. Hmmmm.

But, I really am proud of the first half of this semester at least. Feels good, and feels like I've done my best in every school work thingy.

Anyways. Three o'clock. Ohayo gozaimasu.

Love to H.

Sayonara~

Labels: busyness, crypticness, goals, life

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 02:46

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Embrace my fragility; You keep me safe in a crazy world

Embrace my fragility; You keep me safe in a crazy world

A while back, I requested a free catalogue in relations to tourism at Scotland from this website. I can't remember how far back that was. Haha.

But, it seems I've only just recieved the catalogue. Hahaha.

Basket, only hotel informations. Nothing much on others.

But, it'll be good too. Useful for that future moment..

Haha. Just to highlight a post which makes me laugh. From Mike Teh Evil:

"Even though my recruits are now my officers (YES YOU MR TIMBERLAKE!), I will continue to guide them (should they want my guidance) to The Best of my Abilities, and hopefully, with Passion I will Lead."

Hahahahaha XD

I'm glad you found your fire, Mike. Haha.

Hmmm.

Might I have been too emotional yesterday?

Perhaps...

Well, time can tell what happens next.

Presumably she would reply me soon. I look forward to it, as always.

Cause, she's my love.

Love to H.

Sayonara~

PS: Yeahhh... got groove baby *dances to Rock Your Body*

Labels: crypticness, shorts

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 00:33

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

*frowns*

*frowns*

I'm super pissed now.

Dumb printer can't print stuff. Just because the colour ink is out, doesn't mean you can't print black. BASKET. I'm ordering you to print black 'n white, not colour. You SHOULD work. You basket. Argh.

*breathes out* Anyways..

There is something lingering within my mind.

I know it's really none of my business. I have no right to pry in.

But... I feel insecure, in a way. Would you feel the same way too?

Hmmm.

Things are clouded around me. I can't see the path like yesterday. It can clear tomorrow... but I need your help to that.

And like navigation through a fog, you never know when the beast lurks, and you're just uncertain of how safe you are.

One step, and you're relieved you've step on solid ground, instead of the free air when the coyote realises too late the mistake he'd make. Freefall, only the humour absent from the frames.

I hate this feeling, where you know that if you stay rooted you may or may not step on shit; on the other hand you might just fall if you make your next step. Either way, you make a gamble and you are at risk.

For the first time, I feel, with all these things around me, all the troubles and insecurities... I can cry.

Maybe it's for best.

Love to H.

Sayonara~

Labels: basket, crypticness

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 01:13

Monday, January 22, 2007

Now everybody dance

Now everybody dance

Hey guys. Updating from the poly's library.

Let's see.

I'll be honest with you. With so much things happening, my mind's in a mess. Real mess. Today, it's a little too sunny for my liking. Ususally I can see my objective, what I need to do.

I still see it now. But my mind's so muddled I'm barely thinking straight. And it's not about the lack of sleep. I got good sleep a couple of nights ago, I guess. But, it's just how I can unwind. I need time. Great deal of it. And it's affecting me, and I got a screwed up event to prove it. I didn't forget the thing. I wasn't overly nervous.

It just escaped my memories. I can barely think. Seriously.

And with this week coming, with EVERYTHING that needs doing, it's... it's killing me, but my brain is too numbed to feel anything, if you know what I mean.

I'm not tired. Not physically.

I don't feel too stressed up.

But everything's in this neat mess.

I've been cycling forward, and forward so much, that I barely had time to look around and see what I've passed by. It's only a forward march to something, never going to the sides

I need to sit down. But I can't, not until some things are settled with.

At least things should calm down Feb on. For both sides. So... just a little more...

As long as I don't self-destruct soon, hehe.

Hmm. On other matters.

Is it actually possible for me to be Mr Cool? Lol. Lookie here:

Hahaha. A neat surprise from POC '06. Thanks for all who voted for me. Haha =)

Anyways. Teaching Boon Maya. Gotta go.

Love to H.

Sayonara~

Labels: crypticness, rant

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 13:01

Thursday, January 18, 2007

There's something about you...

There's something about you...

Hey guys. Sorry, short post this time.

Just a shoutout to all friends. GANBATTE!

Fiz, I have. Absolutely. No. Idea. Lol. Been super busy. Am still super busy. Hope to fit in a game when I crash to your place in Malaysia. Hahaha.

But for one thing, I'm finding myself more and more keen to do this work thing. Life, in general. It sorta seems more enjoyable to me. Really, enjoyable in a sense. Or maybe it's the sense of mission. Some goal I have to achieve. And the motivation?

Hahaha...

Also. Want to shout out my love for a special person. Let's grow stronger, hun. We'll soar in no time, I'm sure. *nods* =)

angelus_raptor signing off at 0245 hrs! Sheesh. Hahahaha.

Love to my special people.

Love to H.

Sayonara~

PS: Keep on tagging, people! Haha

Labels: Hun, life, rush post, shout-out

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 02:42

Saturday, January 13, 2007

As I have been... thinking of you

As I have been... thinking of you

There's something about today unlike other days. I feel as if I've learnt a little bit of myself.

I'm not entirely sure what I've learnt... nor do I know how to put them in to words. Or whether I know what it is in the first place.

I think, it's the power to forgive a person. You commit so many wrongs, and you seek kindness in the other to understand and forgive you. Maybe, I was searching for this kindness for myself. Even so I was thrown into this position, where I can have it to decay, or amend and built bridges. The latter occured. I chose the latter.

Maybe there is something else behind this. A different driving force. Teehee...

But one thing definitely, I learn how to forgive.

And, for the first time, after all these years,

Of the birthdays when I grew a year older physically but felt like I grew more childish, like a kid,

This time, I felt as if I've grown a little older.

Just a little.

But enough to let me grow.

Love to H.

Sayonara~

Labels: crypticness, growing up, Hun

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 02:31

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Today was a day, which felt special to me. It was different than other days, and it made me smile.

Every day I would peer out the window, waiting for the carrier pigeon to arrive as always. The pigeon would arrive faithfully, and I would be pleased when it arrives. Then, after I'm done, I'd lift the pigeon to the air and let it take off, wishing it "Fly to the skies safely".

Then one day, the pigeon didn't arrive. It got me wondering where it could be. The hours spanned waiting, and they turned to days. It was worrysome and vexing. But, even if I wanted to do something, I know all I could do was wait. Antagonizing, yes - but that is all I can do, what I must endure. Then Angelus spoke that I should do whatever it takes to make contact, but the raptor in me knew all the more better and to be paitent, like a predator in a hunt. Cause I know that she feels me somehow.

Hence I waited, even when my heart worried; and I longed for the return. Waiting...

Then today,

A tap to my window. And lo and behold! The pigeon was there. I peeked out, and greeted, "It's been quite a while".

I took the letter and read the message.

And I smiled. My lady has replied.

Hahahhaa XD

Love youuuuuu, H.

Sayonara~

Labels: crypticness, Hun, neat

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 01:00

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Devil? Very interesting

The Devil? Very interesting

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Labels: dumb quiz thing, neat

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 01:13

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Woots

Woots

THANK YOU JO

*passes cookies*

Hehe

Love you, H.

Sayonara~

Labels: Hun

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 01:50

Saturday, January 06, 2007

"... and I love you - remember that!"; That was what she said

"... and I love you - remember that!"; That was what she said

I am SO busy.

And tired.

And disorganized.

And just wishing there's some ticket or some cheat code to how life works. But there isn't, of course.

There are so many things, and I've not fixed them.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Because, I'm tired of striving to be strong.

And I don't know why there's all this junk ahead of me in the first place.

I sometimes consider. But I'm not sure. Maybe it would be good. But anything can happen too. Cause I don't want to really suffer the damage. Just, maybe enough to get me off season.

But yeah.

Not like I can actually bring myself to that.

Funny when the first proper blog post comes in melachonic.

And SHEESH.

I'm hungry.

*scampers off to get food*

Love to H.

Sayonara~

Labels: rant

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 00:42

Friday, January 05, 2007

First post wasted on a dumb quiz thing, fooo~!

First post wasted on a dumb quiz thing, fooo~!

1) What side of the heart do you draw first?

the middle

2) Can you dive without plugging your nose?

yeap

3) What is your blood-type?

i never knew :P

4) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

*cough* hehe

5) What is a rumor someone has spread about you?

Hm, there are a few. Heh, I can't remember the secondary school rumours them people spread about me.

6) How do you feel about carrots?

Fabulous when stewed

7) How many chairs at the dining room?

About nine, or ten.

9) Which is the best Spice Girl?

None, haha.

10) Do you know what time it is?

0151 hrs

11) Do you know all the words to theFresh Prince theme?

Almost :P

12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?

Get out through the roof of course!

13) What's your favorite kind of gum?

I don't like gum.

14) T or F:All's fair in love and war?

False

15) Do you have a crush on anyone?

A really really strong like. *nods*

16) Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?

Yeah, happens all the time.

17) Do you like to sleep?

Yeah. Dreams are cool ^___^

18) Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings?

Should be anywhere below the Equator of Cancer. Or is it Capricorn?

19) Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?

Never heard of it.

20) Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?

No, haha. Ooooh no more Mitsubishi Lancer!!

21) What's something you've always wanted?

An Evangelion for my 27th birthday

22) Do you have hairy legs?

They're quite hairy, methinks.

24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?

I'm only afraid I'ld be eaten up by a big fish. Or turtle.

25) Do you wear a lot of black?

Not really. Sometimes.

26) Describe your hair.

Wavy (ANNOYING) curls of dark colour. Should be black.

27) Do you have Entomophobia?

Only the dead ones, otherwise, I'm okay.

28) Are you an adult?

Young adult

29) Where is/are your best friend(s)?

One should be asleep, the other... haha.

30) Do you have a tan?

Tanned =)

31) Are you a television addict?

Nope

32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?

Only when she's in a good mood, hehe

33) Are you a health freak?

Hm. Well I encourage everyone to "keep fit", lol

34) Do you like orange juice?

Tis alright

35) What sign are you?

Teh Evil. Haha, okay, capricorn.

36) Where do you wish you were right now?

Right next to *!{{!*

Love to H.

Sayonara~

Labels: dumb quiz thing, firsts

angelus_raptor left bulletshell casings at 01:48